The Age of Chivalry

La Belle Dam Sans Merci, by Frank Cadogan Calper (1926)

Courtly love was an experience between erotic desire and spiritual attainment that now seems contradictory, "a love at once illicit and morally elevating, passionate and disciplined, humiliating and exalting, human and transcendant," - Francis X.Newman (1968) The Meaning of Courtly Love

It seems ages now
since I visited
walked upon a land
dotted with castles
small villages and a mill
beside a faithful stream
Ages since I believed
you capable of slaying dragons
Laying beside you
I revealed myself
my nakedness was not just
bare skin pleasured by your
hands, your mouth
your maleness.
I opened up my secrets
my weaknesses and fears
my dreams and hopes
I knew the Lover's strength
in having One to open to
uniting in orgasm
strength and bliss
in my surrender

Did she laugh when you shared
our secrets with her?
Did it make you more of a man
in her eyes?
Did she feel more loved
more special
every time you betrayed
my secrets to her?
Did you woo her upon
the back of our lovemaking?

Boast of your prowess and skill?

No matter.
The fault is mine,
so you said.
You are blameless,
So you protested.

I myself, so you said,

Are steeped in sin,

Deserving no man’s trust or loyalty.
Accepted, I turned and walked away
Built a tower, a turret,
and locked my heart away.

I have played the Lover
I have played the woman betrayed.
I shall not allow myself
to play the fool; not twice,
you played me well enough
the first time.

I try to understand
how I deceived myself
Thinking you were a Knight
When in fact you were a Wizard.
What I believed was courtship
was nothing but a powerful charm
used to manipulate my heart
into believing an illusion
I was desperate to believe.

Like a troubadour you came
caressing me
opening me
making music
Or the written words
you arrogantly displayed
while feigning modesty
I was such a silly fool
I believed words carved
from your passion for her
had been meant for me

I believed games were real

When in truth reality was all game.

Later, you came,
to my walls
and hurled rocks
the walls withstood

Though each one bruised

My skin beneath

I became enemy

Unreasonable and unfeeling

Crazy hateful green-eyed beast

You remained Prince Valiant

Pure as the driven snow

Twisting my every word

Until they became a witch’s curse.

Tonight the prophecy complete

You are abandoned in the dark wood

I am after all, La Belle Dam Sans Merci,

For every tale needs a hero

And it is all about you.

Chivalry is Dead.